Ryuuen's BanKazuki Ficlet Collection
by Ryuuen Kurai
Summary: [Ficlet No. 6] It is the morning after the first night that Ban dreads...
1. I Sunrise

Standard disclaimers apply.

**RYUUEN'S BAN/KAZUKI FICLET COLLECTION**

By: _Ryuuen_

**I.**

Getting up at five o'clock on a Sunday morning had been one of the most difficult things Ban ever had to do in his entire life, short of going a week without smoking. Half-past five found him walking down deserted streets, silent save for the random early morning cabs. And he wondered absently what the fuck he thought he was doing up this early.

He stopped by a lamp post near the park, took out a cigarette and lit it, secretly enjoying the way the early morning breeze was combing through his unruly hair, slightly damp from the shower he had just taken. The sun was beginning to rise in the horizon.

A heartbeat, and the silence was finally broken.

"You're late."

A soft voice, teasing. Familiar.

He shrugged, not needing to turn around to figure out who it was.

"Stop complaining. At least I made it this time."

"Indeed." Amused. "It must have been difficult, pulling yourself out of bed this early, Ban-kun."

A gentle hand slipped into his own, entwining their fingers together, its owner a warm presence by his side. The weight upon his shoulder was a welcome one, brown tendrils spilling upon his shoulder like silk.

Silence, and then...

"Thank you."

Ban sighed, exhaling smoke and watching it rise towards the lightening skies.

A smile was upon his lips as he looked down at his companion.

"Only for you, Kazuki. Anything for you."

End.


	2. II Echoes of Winter

**RYUUEN'S BAN/KAZUKI FICLET COLLECTION  
**By: _Ryuuen_

**II.**

Kazuki reminds Ban of spring – of its subtle beauty, not-quite warmth; soft breezes tinged with remnants of winters gone by. A new beginning. A fresh start. Another chance. Shadows of the past chased away by the enigma of a smile.

Ban reminds Kazuki of autumn – of fiery passion, cool logic – a contradiction; leaves falling with the wind, indifferently chasing summer away and heralding the approach of winter. The reality of change. Childhood fantasies crumbling into nothing more but ruins of a forgotten dream under the heat of his gaze.

It appeals to their sense of irony, how they both were born in winter.

Kazuki watches the first snowflake fall against the window pane, half-aware of strong arms tightening their grip around his waist and warm breath against his ear.

"You're awake."

"Mm-hmm."

The lone snowflake is joined by another. And another. And another.

Ban sighs.

"What are you thinking of, Kazuki?"

Kazuki draws his gaze away. The glass was beginning to frost over.

"Nothing. Everything. Us."

Silence.

"Winter is such a beautiful season, isn't it, Ban-kun?"

"Maybe…" Ban says, as he begins to trail gentle kisses down his lover's nape. "I never really cared much about beauty."

"…"

_"You_ are enough."

Outside, the snow continues to fall, leaving nothing but mere echoes… of winters yet to come.

End.

Written for "Echoes of Winter" A BanxKazuki Live Journal community www(dot)livejournal(dot)com(slash)community(slash)echoesofwinter(slash).


	3. III Dreams

**RYUUEN'S BAN/KAZUKI FICLET COLLECTION**

**III**

When Ban dreams, he forgets… who he is, where he is, whom he's with, why things are the way they are. He forgets time and space and logic, wealth and vice and pride, and all the other things he finds himself hiding behind, consciously or otherwise. He forgets rules and restrictions and taboo, the things that hold him back in real life – pretensions, illusions of virtue, _configurations of sanctified loose ends. _He forgets love and friendship and everything in between and such thoughts as _this is not right _and _it's too fucking stupid _and _he's not worth it_. When Ban dreams, he loses all reservations and just lets himself go, lets himself _feel_. When Ban dreams, he forgets what it's like to hate. When Ban dreams, he forgets what it's like to lie to himself. When Ban dreams, he realizes…

Ban is never really alone in his dreams. There are always some things – fleeting touches, intimate caresses, skin on skin, another's heartbeat near his own, brown silk splayed upon his chest – reminding him of warmth and comfort and home and contentment. Too fucking surreal. But then…

A whisper, too faint, too weak, a not-quite memory…

_Ban-kun… You… I..._

Ban wakes up to the feeling of another's arms around him, blond hair obscuring his vision. The sunlight filtering through the window is warm against his skin.

And he remembers…

_Damn you, Fuuchouin! Damn you!_

When Ban dreams, he forgets.

_Kazuki's voice is soft and sweet against his ear._

When Ban wakes, he remembers.

_Ban-kun… You… I…_

_Aishiteru. _

He wishes he never does.


	4. IV Wasted Moments

The following ficlets were written in response to a word-fic challenge over at the **Echoes of Winter**. Enjoy!

_Standard disclaimers apply._

**RYUUEN'S BAN/KAZUKI FICLET COLLECTION**

**_IV._**

There are times when Ban thinks that it just isn't worth it, that waiting for Kazuki to make up his mind is just a fucking waste of time. It's not something he thinks very often, only at certain times when he is made painfully aware of what he is missing out on... Like the way Kazuki's hand would brush against his as they walk and he would be hard-pressed not to take it into his own and twine their fingers together. Or the way Kazuki's hair would keep on falling over his eyes when loose and Ban would give everything to be able to tuck the errant locks behind the beautiful man's ear. Or the way Kazuki would shiver on their nightly strolls and he couldn't help but wish he could just wrap his arms around the other to keep away the cold. Or the way he would watch Kazuki's lips as he speaks and could only wonder if they were as soft or as warm as they look...

It frustrates him, annoys him more than anything Kazuki has ever done, how much conscious effort the beautiful man seems to be putting into holding back, when it was so obvious that he was equally infatuated with the Jagan Master. Denial, Ban concedes, is indeed a powerful adversary, but he'll be damned if he'd let such a mundane thing as pride stand in the way of their happiness.But there still are times when he just wants to give up and walk away, times when he wishes he had never allowed himself to fall this strongly, this deeply. And there are times when Ban couldn't help but wish he could simply push Kazuki against the nearest wall and kiss him -- kiss him until he admits he likes it, until everything melts into nothing and there'd only be the two of them, until he admits that there's something more to their relationship, something deeper than physical attraction, until he's breathless and moaning and clinging desperately to him and _what good would your denial do you then, Kazu-chan?_ He wants to... But he couldn't.

For he had promised Kazuki, in a sudden bout of masochism, that he would wait, that he wouldn't force the issue, that it was enough that he _knew_. And Kazuki had smiled then, thanked him for being so understanding. And then he had kissed Ban chastely on the lips before disappearing into the night, an unspoken promise that Ban wasn't waiting in vain. But now...

"Is it useless?"

"Hmm?"

"Waiting. Am I just wasting my time?"

"Ban-kun..."

"I know I promised that I would wait but, damn it, Kazuki I'm only human." A sigh. "It gets tiring after a while."

"Is that why you've been avoiding me? What would you have me say?"

"Nothing. **Those wasted moments won't return**, no matter what you say."

"Ban-kun, I..."

And Ban kisses him, kisses him with all the desperation and longing and love he feels and Kazuki's lips are soft and warm under his own and _oh god_, he was kissing him back!

"Kazuki..." he whispers when they finally part, so many promises, declarations of something he wouldn't dare leave unspoken after tonight (no, not after _that_) threatening to spill from his lips.

But Kazuki simply smiles, silencing him with another gentle kiss.

"I had that coming, hadn't I?" A pause. "I'm sorry, Ban-kun. I'm sorry if I made you think..."

And he shakes his head, sending soft brown tresses tumbling into disarray and Ban finally gives in to the temptation of pushing some of them behind Kazuki's ear.

Kazuki smiles at the tender gesture and takes Ban's hand in his, pressing his lips against its palm; and Ban's breath catches in his throat at the words the other whispers against his skin.

"Ban-kun, those wasted moments you think we've spent together... Let me make them up to you."

It is all he needs to hear.

End.


	5. V The Way He Smiles

**RYUUEN'S BAN/KAZUKI FICLET COLLECTION**

**_V._**

Himiko had asked Ban once, in a rather uncharacteristic bout of curiosity, what it was exactly that made Kazuki beautiful to him. It was a simple question, something that shouldn't have warranted even the slightest of thoughts. Ban had merely shrugged then and carelessly answered "everything", as though it should have been the most obvious thing in the world. Himiko had rolled her eyes at the awfully clichéd response but did not push for any more answers and Ban simply dismissed the incident as another of Himiko's attempts at dealing with his and Kazuki's relationship.

It is only a few days later, however, as he finds himself lounging on the couch in Kazuki's impeccably clean living room, with his half-asleep, half-naked lover resting against his chest that he realizes just how "everything" doesn't quite suffice. How such a simple word (for isn't "everything" just that -- a mere word?) couldn't possibly describe the way Kazuki's eyes shines almost amber in the subdued lighting of his apartment or the way his hair frames his deceptively feminine face just_ so_. It couldn't describe how soft his lover's skin feels under his callous hands or the way their bodies seem to fit so perfectly together, skin against skin. It couldn't describe the way a rosy blush would stain Kazuki's cheeks every time he'd say or do something incredibly cheesy but nonetheless romantic and how that tinge suits him just fine. It couldn't describe the way Kazuki's hands would instinctively seek and find his, twining their fingers together, even in his sleep, nor could it describe the way his name sounds so _right_ coming from Kazuki's lips. It couldn't begin to describe just how much Kazuki makes him want believe in such ridiculous things as _happiness _and _fate _and _eternity_. And the feeling of _home _and _contentment _and _this is where I want to be_ each time they kiss...

A soft sigh, and the body resting against him shifts a bit, allowing him a more unhampered view of his lover's sleepy face. And he smiles, trailing careful fingers over the other's fine features, as he has done a million times before. Kazuki leans in to the touch, almost purring in appreciation, half-lidded amber eyes regarding him with an almost unreadable expression.

"Ban-kun," he greets after a while, finally coherent enough for speech, all the while suppressing a yawn with an expression that Ban usually thinks is just _too damn cute_. And then he smiles... smiles in that maddening, impossibly beautiful way of his that makes Ban remember what it was that made him fall for Kazuki in the first place.

And then it finally hits him, the moment of illumination fierce, almost blinding. And he couldn't help but laugh out loud at how he hadn't thought of it in the first place.

Kazuki frowns a bit, trying to figure out what could have prompted his lover's odd behavior (not that normalcy was something that could be attributed to said man) this early in the morning. Ban simply shakes his head and laughs even harder.

Kazuki glares at him.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing," Ban says. "Nothing at all."

Kazuki pouts then, another of his rather adorable expressions, and Ban finds himself spending the next fifteen minutes kissing that pout off his lips.

"You're beautiful to me," he says simply, when they finally part. "Too damn beautiful."

Kazuki blinks, somewhat taken aback the seemingly random compliment.

And then he smiles, looks into his eyes and takes Ban's hand in his, pressing it against his chest, over his heart, in a silent _thank you._

And Ban thinks that maybe "everything" wasn't just a word after all.

* * *

"It's **the way he smiles**," Ban finds himself saying a week after, drawing a confused glance from his companion, who had spent the better part of the last hour glaring at the drink he had bought her. 

"What?"

"The way Kazuki smiles... It's what makes him beautiful to me."

"Oh..."

"Ban..."

"Hmm..."

"That sounded incredibly sappy, did you know?"

"Mhmm..."

"Ban..."

"You've got it bad."

Ban shakes his head and smiles in spite of himself.

"Don't I know it, Himiko? Don't I fucking know it."

Not that he was complaining, of course.

End.


	6. VI Morning After

**RYUUEN'S BAN/KAZUKI FICLET COLLECTION**

**_VI._**

It is the **morning after** the first night that Ban usually dreads, regards with an almost irrational apprehension that isn't quite surprising, considering how he isn't really good at dealing with such things. Not that he would admit it to himself, of course, let alone out loud, but there is a certain… finality about _mornings after_ that just scares him, sends warning bells ringing in the part of his brain that isn't too dead/asleep/hung-over at that time. And that nagging feeling that there's _something _he _should_ say or do or think or feel but _goddamnit! _he just wasn't made for these romantic crap...

Of course, he has had his fair share of lovers in the past (how could he not, with the whole broodingly mysterious image he's got going for him?) – meaningless flings that, in retrospect, should have mattered more than they did, people who shouldn't have been reduced to nameless faces or faceless names that sometimes blur together into a myriad of monochromic hues – and the **morning after**each one was different. Some of his lovers had lashed out at him, blaming him for that one night they considered to be a mistake, and it had taken every ounce of patience Ban never thought he had to just silently get up, pick up his clothes from wherever they were lying, dress and walk out of that person's home and life without as much as backward glance. Some had just stared at him, an unreadable look on their faces, before bursting into tears, and Ban had to spend the better (or worse) part of an hour staring blankly at the ceiling, trying to convince himself that hitting a person _wasn't _a good way to get them to stop crying. Still others had tried to engage him in one of those philosophical/pseudo-romantic conversations that he just wasn't really ready to deal with at four _fucking_ o'clock in the morning and to which he had merely grunted and nodded at (what he hoped) the right places while desperately wishing for an aspirin to cure his throbbing (hangover-induced) headache. And, of course, there were those who just shrugged it off as easily as he did, casually sharing his post-fuck cigarette and shower, before asking him calmly what he would like for breakfast, leaving Ban with a nagging feeling that, as ideal the situation was, there was something incredibly wrong about the entire ordeal and that maybe, just maybe, he was missing something important.

But Kazuki is different, has always been different and, Ban supposes, it was that difference, that uniqueness, that attracted him to the long-haired man in the first place – more than his beauty or elegance or kindness or charm or that damnable wit of his that made late-night conversations with the Itomaki almost as gratifying as having sex. For their relationship wasn't about sex at all -- at least, not entirely. If it were, he didn't think he would've allowed himself to get this much involved, wouldn't have allowed himself to get close enough to be affected. And he wouldn't have found himself standing outside the other's apartment in the middle of the pouring rain (and at two o'clock in the morning at that) trying to apologize for something he didn't do, something he didn't say. And Kazuki had let him in, into warmth and safety and _home_, and it was then that Ban finally realized that maybe he had finally found that _something important _after all.

* * *

Waking up with Kazuki snuggled against his side, fine hair tickling his nose and the scent of his lover invading his senses, is, Ban acknowledges, one of the more memorable experiences of his life. He sighs, watching Kazuki's sleeping face and the play of early morning sunlight upon his fine features lending him an almost ethereal glow. And it almost seems too fucking surreal to be here, holding him, touching him, feeling him – an arm around his waist, a hand tracing the curve of his cheek (_soft, so soft_) – and Ban has to pinch himself just to make sure he isn't dreaming. A soft sigh, and he could only watch, half in anticipation, the other half thinking things like _ohshit!ohshit!ohshit_ as impossibly long lashes flutter open. A smile, and as golden-brown eyes meet his…

"You're _beautiful_," he says, and wishes that he could just die. For this is the **morning after** the first night and there are things that _just_. _weren't_. _said_. and it would fucking kill him if such simple things as mere words could ruin something that could be beautiful. So he closes his eyes, wills himself not to run away, and he waits... waits for the denial and the blame and those damned Fuuchouinryuu strings to come at him and end his misery.

They never do.

An eternity within a heartbeat, a hand clasping his, and he finally opens his eyes...

Kazuki doesn't lash out at him, doesn't scream or shout or cry or even ask _why_. He simply smiles, squeezes the hand he is holding and kisses him. And Ban could almost hear the unspoken _it's okay_ and _I'm alright_ and _it doesn't really matter_...

And Ban kisses him back, almost desperately, and answers with his own _thank you_ and _I'm glad_ and _this feels right_...

And he draws away, cupping his lover's blushing face in his hands, raining gentle kisses upon it. For this is the **morning after **the first night and he should be leaving...

But Kazuki is beautiful and Kazuki is warm and Kazuki is the only one who has ever made him _feel_... So he stays, draws his lover closer against him, and smiles, the play of early morning sunlight on their skin a prediction... of similar mornings to come.


End file.
